Cant Call it Sad

because it is life. i am listening to every song you sang every word you said every place you layed every promise you made and i am wishing i could cry. im all cried out but feel like more are coming on the inside. it hurts me that i dont know what to do as i watch this life i nevcer thought id live happen around me. working it out building together alll those things are not in vie wnow. i asked God to guide me to help me to show me how and i am seeing all but what i thought right now. im not even feeling pride i only feel pain as i try and try to see this finding a happily ever after again but no i dont see that its important. it makes me sad. i guess this is where the bible tells me it told me so as doing things outside of what the commandments are start to surface with repucasions pain. i dont blame the spoudse for th pain for they are just living out the pain. i wish it would rain. that would make since to me. i could sit outside in the rain and let the water wash over me. sigh...nothing is helping. the pain is internal. the fears are real. the hurt is enormoaous and im alone trying to sigh but only pain comes out