fresh start

Today, your world begins. You take on a journey of life I know nothing about.  My heart I didn't know could break again but it has. Loving one and truly giving all you know how to give is what I did. I was hesitant to do it and ibegged you not to tell me I'm the one you want forever if you wasn't sure.  And u said, you are sure.  But I can't. Its over.  I can't imagine what is ahead.  All the lives are forever intwined.  I,feel like I'm the only one in pain I'm the only one whose heart has stopped beating. I feel like I'm suffocating like we use to feel when we were apart...like we were suffocating.  Now its the moment where air is what I will gasp for.  What can I do? How can I be distracted? If I sleep even my dreams are overtorne by thoughts of you.  Lord I hope I get thru this day and every day after.  Its going to take Him alone to help me breath

Cant Call it Sad

because it is life. i am listening to every song you sang every word you said every place you layed every promise you made and i am wishing i could cry. im all cried out but feel like more are coming on the inside. it hurts me that i dont know what to do as i watch this life i nevcer thought id live happen around me. working it out building together alll those things are not in vie wnow. i asked God to guide me to help me to show me how and i am seeing all but what i thought right now. im not even feeling pride i only feel pain as i try and try to see this finding a happily ever after again but no i dont see that its important. it makes me sad. i guess this is where the bible tells me it told me so as doing things outside of what the commandments are start to surface with repucasions pain. i dont blame the spoudse for th pain for they are just living out the pain. i wish it would rain. that would make since to me. i could sit outside in the rain and let the water wash over me. sigh...nothing is helping. the pain is internal. the fears are real. the hurt is enormoaous and im alone trying to sigh but only pain comes out

Introduce You

You asked me to introduce you to your seed and forgive all the tears youve made me cry. you asked me to forget the hurt the pain i feel inside. you are taking on a new journy asking God to step in your life and you are even having the idalsity to take on a wife. yes a year ago you promised me the world even less than that you have promised id always have your heart but today tonight this evening moment you tell me it was a mistaken idenity from the start. im trying to understand where i went wrong when i trusted what you said im telling myself that life will go on even through all this pain. the tears in my eyes arent going anywhere. the pain i feel is the same. im tryin to stop crying im trusting the Father will keep me sane. How do I live with all this hurt? How do I even let it go? What do I tell our child that father is here but will eventually go? I dont understand Lord I only see blurry tears through my eyes I dont know what to do Lord when inside I want to cry. It hurts father to trust it hurts to give your all but Lord I know you can hear me I know you hear my calls Help me Lord Help Me Father this pain is all too great. I thought Lord that we were building a future to make our futures Great. But we arent.