Dreams

Lst night. I dreamed we were at a homegoing service for someone named Kyle.  We all were a part of it. All crowds kids families many knew him. The services as at a location in san diego built on the water.  I remember somehow seeng the leves would fail and everyone would perish. I got out. You had been next to me the whole service so naturally I tried to save you too for the sake of our child. You turned back for the life of your spouse. We got out to the lost of life of all those we knw at that service. The water took the lives of many and tookus on quite that ride but through it all, someone else was there, as my guide, you by spouses side.  I woke up realising reality has begun to set in as suttle as the sunset or rise again.  This process isn't easy for me I see that with the weight of every step.  However, I think God wanted me to see He is carrying me even when I'm feeling abandoned and in continue to welp

Hearts Broken

No matter how many ways I slice it, my heart is in pieces of broken. Every action cuts deep.  Its a struggle not to wake up weeping. My eyes are gllazed over. I'm afraid to open them clearly to another t see how truly in I was.  I went against all critics, warnings just wanted us to be us. I could have went without sin n lust. No not dwelling on what was jus admittingto the winds what I showed you my newly broken heart that was whole in us

Love is All That Matters

i never asked santa for a car a bike or even a million dollars. i asked him for food, shelter and love. i never expected my life to be perfect or even to live the perfect life. instead i just wanted to live in peace with love neverending. the wake up and kiss me love. the sweet dreams baby thank God for you type of love. i cant for the life understand why what i want most im not having. maybe its the weddings, maybe even the funerals maybe its the husbands or even the lies deciet a lifetime of games im not sure but either way almost doesnt count. im tired of all the tears i cry at night. im sad by the pain that keeps me up at night. i miss the laughter the fun and the love i miss feeling like i was enough. my feels are real no one even believes they exist. my love is effortless. ive been lied to cheated on and disreprected. ive been misunderstood left and neglected. ive opend up my soul cried in arms so tight only to awake and realize im alone again the next night. i dont feel appreciated understood or in loved. i feel all the other stuff that you should never in this world. the pain is the real the heartbreak so clear in the end its just me. i dont have the dance moves i cant even clean constantly all i have is everything that makes me, me. i thought you understood i knew our struggles had finally collasped. only to awake to find out you had gone and left. the tears are coming now stronger than before as hope for forever escapes out the door. somebody asked me- what happens now? i cant even imagine from all the sorrow i cant even picture a how. i just dont know what else to say i cant even imagine which a what a way. love is all that matters someone said to me but they didnt understand all the misery. i love im still loving but you are happy living it up. what ever happened to the promises? what happened to forever ? how could you tell me it would be us until we never? never let another in never share our soul always ready to find ways to keep our love controlled. my pain is real my heart is broken. you have gone and left it open. if love is all that matters what the hell do i do now? ive loved uncontrollably to no avail