Im Upset

I cant get through the pain I am feeling. I mean, why in the world does this keep happening? Damn it! I am smart, yes I know. But I dont want to be the smartest person in the world alone. They say something about deserve. I know by Christ as my Lord I dont deserve a thang but it still makes me so sad. I want to be smiles and happy here too. I know also you cant compare your lives per everyone elses compared lives but gosh it seems so sad.

I am going to pick my chin up, dust off my butt and start doing it on my own. No really. I have given so much power to my "need" for him. He actually suggested we keep it "professional" as if this is a business transaction or something. then he said im insulting him when he hurt and insulted me.Again.... glad that no one reads this anyway

Patronized

He said stop patronizing me. All I did was try to have a conversation with him, expressing what was bothing me, using I statements. I thought by using I statements, I was placing the blame stating what made me upset. I guess that doesnt work in a non work environment. I am relived and sad at the same time. Sad because another bad creation has been created with nothing but anger and pain on the flip side. I am disspointed in how things are going and the way things have to be. First my Musiq now now well now it is as it was, just me and the kiddos and God to guide me. I will probably cry myself to sleep. But i am okay with that because I know that the holy spirit is my comforter.

so much for dvd date night

im irriated. if you love me then let me go if you anit gone do what it takes to make me smile. you are so quick to tell me what i could be doiong or where i could be making it better but you dont do that same assessment on your damn self. i do know how intelligent i am. i do know i can take care of me. i do know that simple things are so much easier and i do know that yep hell yes i could do this without you but key word- could. why cant you see that i dont want to do anything without you? that we been too strong for too long and i dont want to be without you? why cant you see that i can buy me the silly stuff i can pay the bills and get rid of the other crap but you i cant replace you i want always? you shouldnt need the motivation of another lover to get you to do what you know that will ensure us forever. you should just do it because it is what is best what you want what it takes what makes me happy... why do you have to be so damn complicated? why? i can reflect on the ex but damn no point. the ex seems to be happy living with their 20 but damn i anit even an 80 i am the whole 100 package. treat me like it. respect me as it. love just because of it. dont take it for granted or beat yourself up for messing it up. i am here. i am now. just embrace me love me and leave the other shit to the side. all i wanted tonight was to enjoy our date enjoy our night. not fight...not fight especially over plugging in a dvd player. never even getting to the movie... so the question is what are we really fighting about?

so much for dvd date night