If It Mattered

I would cry.  For days for nights just feeling regret for the outcomes of my current life.  All the failed relationships I have journalled away.  To all the lost laughter that rarely comes my way.  This isn't supposed to rhyme just trying to make sense of my thoughts.  Maybe it really is me the reason For so many losses.  Calling them by name would be too easy... who remember mine now that might be surprising. I want to run so far away. I am so sad watching the Love slip far away. Crying again but only inside of me...outside it's still mountains of issues struggling free.  I am praying Lord for Him to show up and show out again for me...He must recognize how much I long for Him and the him I am made to be me for.  If only it Mattered the words that I say...

For once Someone was waiting for me.

Woman to Woman

I have been with him. Too many times to count. It was not about you but us at the first time.  The next time was the excitment of it all that brought us back together for another go at it... I guess after time passed you could say it was mutual our attractions to one another.  I am not sure.  All i know is we did not stop seeing one another.  I know how much he means to you I cant even explain what or why... just that it is. 

Truth is I know enough to know sharing is not optional or should we have to.  He is yours.   I only wanted half of him when all of him belongs to you.   Then again the void he filled for me was so incredibly amazing I don't want to let it go.  I felt a part that I know you feel all the time in knowing he will take care of you as he has been entrusted to do.

Woman to woman i felt you should know that He has been with me too.  That He is like no other in how He shows His Love his Affection.   How He warms me touches assures me that I am more than   enough should I just trust Him.  I even see why He is so special to you.  He means much to me also and I do not see me ever trying to be without him...again.  i hope you understand it has to be this way.  I am calling Him to tell Him I am ready .  I dont mind sharing His love.  He has so much more to give we can.not restrict Him to just me and you.

Let me call Him..tell Him what I want.

  Apparently Jesus is open to sharing His love with everyone...no restrictions...

Woman to Woman...let's  talk about this.  We share our self with anyone else why not Jesus?

E.S.R.

Not Saying It is

Aware
That my feelings have grown touchy replaced by a  longing for you. It is still on what you represent to me not what I think you are for me.  You aren't for me. You will never be as the list continues.  Lord, I need security in my job, ability to take care of my family,  husband that loves and follow you then love me right after you.   Working to do and be better

Rise Above it All
How to breakout of a bad situation Mark 10:46-52

*depression sin anger guilty  drama  despair *
1)Assume responsibility for your own life
-no one can assume responsibility for you you have to take responsibility for yourself
Rev 2:7 He that hath an ear let him hear what the spirit says to the church
-if you want to makeit in this

*Believe you can can change
*Clarify to God what you really need
*Stop Worrying about what others Will say

No one can save you but Jesus
Dont let them bring you from Jesus
Have faith

*Stop Waiting for Ideal Circumstances
-The time to get to know Jesus to make Him your savior is right now
*Do Something Bold & Dramatic
-anything that is holding you down get rid of it and run to Jesus
*Do it Now
- don't wait for another chance

That you and I might come out of a bad situation -  RISE Above it All - and be set free by the blood of the lamb

If It Had Not Been

For everything
I probably would not be ready to step in to Greater...I feel preparation for greater

-shaking
- beating
-depression
-tears
-heartaches
-Brokenhearts
-long nights
-early mornings
- insecurities
-bad choices

I feel  a shaking in the spirit I feel I crushing in the spirit preparing me for greater....Greater
-Anointing
-Power
-Healing
-Deliverance
-Greater is coming

Has to be part of the plan that only the Almighty Lord can orchestra.  Gives me peace knowing So.

Take Me to the King

I am thinking of the woman who only water to touch Jesus and how whole she knew she would be just by touching Him.  I felt that knowing that only He could heel all the broken hers I've contributed to.   Only He could heal me in my worst sicknes.  Only He could comfort me and bring me past whatever it was.

I look where I am I look at the broken pain I hear the word unsaid over and over again and know only the Lord fixes heals everything to fall back into its natural order. 

Temptations just only temptations to be to find new ways to be a help to furthering His kingdom.  WOW What a wonderful way that would be?