shoulda couldas

Those shoulda couldas hurt.  They remind you of every verse, circ7umstance or scenario where things may have turned out differenty.  Truth is- every moment and circumstance lead you to the life you live right now.

Look It

I dont oooo back.  I choose and I stand by my choices but my soul cries out for someone to help me make the choices...make it easier for me.  More than a what I want but possibly more of the needs but with God's blessings.

Love finds you.  You dont find it. 

Eyes wide shut.
Me...

Unicorn

I live in the world of the Unicorn.  My heart is still surprised by the evil things people do. I am still frustrated by the undying hope I have for a fairytale to be my real life experience.  The impossible Is possible in my heart.

Maybe just maybe my unbelief will turn into a reality as I travel the rainbow with my wish maker burning bright.

Smiling down on me

I imagine my mother smiling down on me.  I can hear her crying out for my soul to rest the angry face.

Did she question as much as I do

Date It so it Can Be real

"You are free.  We are not together anymore."

Conclusion

Empty freedom when you realize how deep the chain is how strong  the hold how sad the reins are how just ....how....

Wait

How?

Would  be 11 years but instead we will end at ten.  No more illusion to the delusions.

I can't  breathe. 

Dead Already

The matter of pain is real.  You like to think it is. Not because of how deep  it feels. Truth is you would be dead already if it did not.
I feel

So I am not

But

I do

Feel
Dead
Already

Mirror

In the dot.of.the hour faith reminds you god.never left.
In.the cry of.the.night it.isnt fear.that breaks my heart
Its all the stuff in between the twilight of this moment constant disappointment how strong must one be?

The mirror and I were looking at one another.  It was the strangest thing.  We spent time trying  to figure out which of us needed  to break.

The images appeared to be the same.  But they were not.  The smile was always up and always upside down. The face was always bright but always dark.  The eyes were always dancing but always frozen.  The mind was focused but it was all over the place.  The ears  were listening  but not hearing  a word.  The hair was neat and combed but messy in every direction.  The hands were neatly by the side folded in place but the hands were in the air waving in many directions. 

I blink.  How can it all be together and be in so many pieces  the same? We came to the conclusion that we were both shattered and broken.  Repair was the friend of the enemy and we needed to make  ammends.

Him tie Her tie Pain Tie Hurt tie Sadness tie distraught  tie not enough tie not able tie unsure tie lack of decisions  tie indecision tie We needed to make ammends

I wiped the mirror.  It is drying of streaks and almost clean.